Pink Pineapples: Proof the Apocalypse is Nigh
So, pink pineapples are a thing now? Seriously? I saw this headline about Benny Blanco (whoever THAT is) raving about them, and I almost choked on my coffee. We're living in a world where they're genetically engineering *pineapples* to be pink so influencers can take a better selfie? Give me a freakin' break.
The article says, "Its pastel color and photogenic charm make it a favorite among influencers..." Translation: it's completely useless except for vapid people to show off how "unique" they are. We're literally wasting resources, time, and scientific ingenuity on something that adds absolutely zero value to the world. It's peak late-stage capitalism, folks.
Pink Pineapples: A $50 Slap in the Face?
The Lycopene Lie
Okay, so the science behind it is that they mess with the pineapple's DNA to keep it from turning yellow. They want it to stay pink because of lycopene, which is what makes tomatoes red. Fine. But is anyone ACTUALLY asking the important questions here? Like, what other unintended consequences are we gonna see down the line? And who decided that yellow pineapples were somehow *unacceptable* in the first place?
It takes "more than two years to cultivate each pineapple" and they ship them without the crown to prevent replanting. This is insane. The amount of waste and energy involved in this whole process just to create a trendy fruit is mind-boggling. What a complete slap in the face to actual sustainability efforts.
And the price? $25 to $50 *per pineapple*? Are you kidding me? People are struggling to afford basic groceries, and these clowns are selling designer pineapples to rich socialites. It's disgusting.
Pink Pineapples: Nature's Latest Middle Finger?
Safe to Eat? Says Who?
They assure us it's "completely safe" because it's just "preserving natural lycopene." But let's be real, "safe" is a relative term when we're talking about genetically modified organisms. We're trusting corporations and scientists who have a vested interest in selling this crap. Call me paranoid, but I'm not buying it. What about the long-term effects? What about the impact on the environment? Nobody seems to care.
It's got Vitamin C, antioxidants, and aids digestion. So do regular pineapples, dumbasses! What's the point of going through all this trouble just to end up with the same nutritional value? It's like putting lipstick on a pig – a *pink* lipstick, offcourse.
Honestly, I'm starting to think I'm the crazy one here. Maybe I'm just too old and cynical to appreciate the beauty of a pink pineapple. Maybe I should just embrace the absurdity of it all and join the Instagram hordes snapping pictures of their overpriced fruit. But no. I can't. I just can't.
We're Officially Doomed
